I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
