All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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