i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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