I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
