I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
