Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
