Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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