shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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