I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
