so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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