Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
