Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
