saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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