first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
