I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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