i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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