Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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