he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm too high and old for this...
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