you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
