i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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