whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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