you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
