We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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