I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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