dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
