Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
