I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
