I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
