I need to stop coming to work sober
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
