Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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