I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
