Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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