I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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