I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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