NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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