how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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