She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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