Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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