So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
