i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
