shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
