Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
