TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
