How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
