worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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