So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
