Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
