the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
