Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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