Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
