Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
