Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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