I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
