goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
